WHAT IS ENOUGH?

I spend a lot of time talking to people who are “successful.” They have achieved a lot. They make a good salary. They have a high position at their organization and have a lot of influence. They work very hard, accomplish a lot, and are stressed and exhausted. At some point, they start asking important questions: Is this it? What is enough?

But they can’t see a way out.

That’s where I come in. They may see what’s happening to them as crisis, but I see it as just a person developing, naturally. They’ve spend the best years of their lives in the work/spend cycle, trying to alleviate their sense of unworthiness and building facades, and thought of it as “success.” And now, a deeper, spiritual self is emerging. A deeper Self within them wants something different than ever-increasing levels of accomplishment and other people’s accolades.

I accompany people in that transition.

This is not therapy, financial advising, or productivity coaching. I accompany people who are outwardly “successful” but spiritually or emotionally stuck, helping them listen for what is more deeply true. Together we have conversations that create a different relationship to money, work, and self-worth

“When we are only victorious over small things, it leaves us feeling small.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

The internalized beliefs about money and “success” that we learned from parents and an achievement-oriented, capitalist society are largely unconscious, unexamined, and, mostly perniciously, partially true. They exert enormous influence on how we see ourselves, who and what we pay attention to, and how we live our lives. With awareness, we can deconstruct our inherited outdated beliefs about “the Good Life.” In doing so, we begin to hear the Indwelling Presence that whispers a certain aliveness that accompanies following what we really want.

This is the transition to what Jung called the second-half of life, a call to embracing everything within you, both the Light and the Shadow. It is very not comfortable, and not everyone gets there. But if you are at that threshold, it is a gift. Dark grace.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep. — Rumi

The meaning of your life cannot be borrowed, bought, or manufactured. It has to be discovered. How do you discover it? With what the Buddhists call “skillful means,” you can finally see, and then embrace your not-enoughness to find what you believe is a more sufficient, creative, and gracious life.

Not everyone is ready to release their addiction to not-enoughness — Douglas Tsoi

Yes, I work with people on finding meaning, belonging, and purpose. But I also work with people on letting go of purpose, surrendering, and simply finding contentment. Nothing is required of you to have a place in this world and any good spirituality helps you fall in love with your place here. 

Drawing on my past experience as a Quaker teacher and Franciscan spiritual director, I accompany you as you find greater peace, integrity, and gratitude.

Coaching can INCLUDE (up to you):

• Facing common financial-spiritual questions such as:

• How much is enough? Why am I always chasing more?

• How do I let go of deeply-held internalized expectations of others? What is it that I really want?

• In the midst of so much in both personal life and society, what is mine to do? How do I manage distress and burnout?

• What is my dharma, or the Great Work of My Life?

• How do I surrender, and participate in grace?

• Identifying and using your own personal values, like gratitude and integrity, to build the life you want.

• Transitioning forms of not-enoughness to forms of sufficiency. From financial accumulation to enoughness. From consumerism to voluntary simplicity. From workism to wu-wei.

• Finding yourself exhausted from previously useful first-half-of-life values: Internalized anxiety from earning our goodness from external audiences. Accomplishment addiction, over-attachment to persona, self-worth tied to accolades and recognition.

• Having a concrete look-at-the-books understanding of your financial situation. Know your numbers, but don’t know what they mean? We can dig into the details of your finances to see what’s happening and what could be changed.

A good example of my underlying philosophy and spirituality might be the Doing Nothing series on my Money and Meaning Substack. Here are parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, and 14.

I usually meet with clients twice a month for 90 minutes, plus unlimited email and text dialogue.

In coaching with Douglas, I surfaced a ton of insights that gave me the clarity I needed to make some important decisions in my business and personal life. It's both about the numbers and what they mean but also on a deeper level, what I wanted for my life. It helped me get seriously unstuck when I was feeling overwhelmed. It was insightful, fun, and catalyzing.  - Tania Anaisse, Beytna Design

FEES

I only take two clients at a time (I’m retired haha).

My normal fee is $4,500 for 3 months, or $1,500 per month. Alternatively, if it feels very kismet, we might agree on a rate and time period that feels good, fair, and right to both of us. Your financial commitment needs to be commensurate, and juicy, to your financial resources. I donate all my work revenue to the global charities GiveWell and GiveDirectly, giving money to people who do not yet have enough.

If you’re interested, please apply for a free 60-minute conversation with me to clarify your financial or spiritual desires, discuss your biggest obstacles, and to see if Spiritual-Financial Coaching is a good fit for the changes already happening in your life.